Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
