So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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