White coat. Heels.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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