I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
