my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
