he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't deserve a penis
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize