Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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