is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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