is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
