sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
