woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
