i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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