And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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