He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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