Having a random hookup so left but love u
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize