walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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