I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
