I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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