I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
