is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
