Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
