Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
