Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
