Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
