All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
