I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize