You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
