I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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