Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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