the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
