Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
