i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
