I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
