so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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