Non-Jews are for practice
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
