Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
