Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
