All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
