I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
