If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Randomize
