I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am available for nakedness
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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