This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
