We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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