SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize