Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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