I don't remember. Are we still dating?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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