I wish I could teleport
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize