sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize