So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
