i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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