He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize