names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
