he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
