Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
