Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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