my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
