So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
