Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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