it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
