clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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