So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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