found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
