We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
