she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
