Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.

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(630): View more from Illinois

They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.

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(903): View more from Texas

she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness

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(404): View more from Georgia

Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big

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(425): View more from Washington

I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!

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(503): View more from Oregon

I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.

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