I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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