Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think people are normalizing furries
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize