She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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