piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
