it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
