You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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