Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize