My sheets look like a crime scene.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
