I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
