my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
