Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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