I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
